Narcissists are very envious of others. Unless they can take credit for the person’s good fortune, it is either dismissed or seen as a threat. No one is better than they are. A narcissist cannot feel happiness for someone else, not even their own child. A narcissistic parent believes that it is their right to control their child, even once they become adults. Children are expected to pay homage to them, and are forever indebted to them simply because they are the parent. A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.
A narcissistic parent may threaten you with whatever mental or physical attachments they have to you. This could be leaving you out of their will, disowning you, refusing to visit you, or coming to family events. They may become very distant and stop calling you. A narcissist will try anything to guilt you into conforming. This is all in an effort to hurt or shame you into doing what they want. In their minds, you have hurt them so you should be punished for being disrespectful and not doing what you should. They believe you should apologize and straighten up. Since narcissistic parents are so negative, it is hard for children to take in what’s good in life. This carries over into adulthood. When something good happens, there can be an underlying feeling of something bad is right around the corner.
Will narcissists improve with age? Sadly no. In fact, the older they get the more they lose their looks and mental capability and also realization that their grandiose ideas have not come to pass. If anything aging is likely to cause even more depression and anger within them.
We are neither on good terms or bad. We are no longer anything.
Please don’t make the mistake of thinking:
“My narcissistic parent doesn’t love me, but surely they will love their grandchild.”
“Maybe a grandchild will fix the relationship, and my parent will love me.”
Neither of these are true!
The same programming and negative concepts that were put into you will be put into the grandchild. They believe they are teaching the child and telling them the truth. What is truly happening is the whole cycle is starting over again. It is your responsibility to stop the cycle! Do not allow them to plant the same dysfunctional beliefs in your children.
…I almost did.
Many adult children of narcissists are still guilt ridden about having no contact with their narcissistic parent. Although they know they have been abused, they cannot seem to shake the guilt. This will fade in time. You have nothing to feel guilty for, because you have done nothing wrong. You have not failed your parent, your parent has failed you. The reason why the guilt is still there is because you truly haven’t accepted the fact that things cannot be any different. You are still holding onto a little piece of the wish that things can change. True acceptance of your parent’s NPD is releasing the wish.
Understand that the horrible way your narcissistic parent is or has treated you has nothing to do with you. It’s all about them. You haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t bother trying to please them because it isn’t possible. Realize that they will always try to use guilt and manipulation to get what they want.
A narcissistic parent will use a divide and conquer method to gain control over any situation. There is nothing a narcissist enjoys more than pitting siblings against each other. It gives the parent complete control and the ability to manipulate each child, in order to get exactly what they want. Even if it’s just attention they are after.
A narcissistic parent has long-term affects on every aspect of your life. It’s like death by a thousand cuts. You get one or two cuts at a time, but it doesn’t seem that bad. After years and years of cuts, you realize that your whole body is bleeding!