When I first took a home pregnancy test, and I got that immediate “positive”, I seriously questioned whether or not I wanted to tell the world yet (as much as I wanted to scream from a mountain top). Because let’s face it, we all know I don’t have the best health history and it would make perfect sense for me to “worry” about something terribly wrong happening. But when I broke the news to my mom that I didn’t want my good news spread all over Facebook (because I don’t have a Facebook), it sorta disappointed her, and I saw that in her eyes. As a first time grandma, she wanted to tell the entire world too, or at least the people in her world. I didn’t blame her, which is why I went to the store and bought more tests. Not only did I take one, two, three that day, but I also woke up the following day and took another (after a horrible nightmare) and then another later that evening just to make sure it was still there. And then another when I got back to Texas. Even though I saw my OBGYN and she confirmed it as well, and the doctor at the urgent care clinic in Michigan, I still needed reassuring. 6 home pregnancy tests were just not enough for me. Yeah, I had all the tell-tale signs. My breasts were enlarging and they hurt, I was extremely fatigued and falling asleep at every given moment and spending most of my day in the bathroom peeing little to nothing each time. Either way, I knew wouldn’t feel truly pregnant until I saw that little gummy bear shaped baby on the ultrasound. But most of all, I wouldn’t feel confident until I was able to see and hear the pounding healthy heartbeat. I wanted to reassure myself that everything was going to be okay, that I was progressing along normally and Baby Sock is going to be beautifully healthy regardless if it’s a he or a she.
But not so fast. The internet is an amazing thing and being a nurse is truly a blessing. However, there comes a time when I know too much and have access to too much information. Too much information can be damaging. So therefore, I’m going to share with you how my first ultrasound went only to remind you that I’m speaking in positive words here. I don’t want anyone to worry, I don’t want to worry and Baby Sock certainly doesn’t need me worrying, right? Well, all went well up until the measuring of the heart rate. The ultrasound tech discovered it was low and then subsequently realized that my corpus luteum ruptured (too soon) and there is fluid surrounding my uterus. Not to mention, I have a tilted uterus as well. Now, you’re all probably wondering, what the heck is that? Well, let me give you a little bit of a health background straight down to the basics with no mumbo-jumbo terminology involved. Now, when you get to the bottom, please, don’t freak out. I’m sure I’ve done enough of that for just about all of us. I’m desperately trying to stay positive here, so please, help me out by staying positive as well.
What does the corpus luteum do?
The corpus luteum produces progesterone. Progesterone makes the lining of the uterus thick for implantation and is necessary to sustain a healthy pregnancy. The corpus luteum produces progesterone until the placenta begins to take over progesterone production around ten weeks gestation.
How long does the corpus luteum survive?
After a woman ovulates, the corpus luteum only lasts for about 12-14 days unless it begins receiving HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) from a developing embryo. If the egg is not fertilized, the corpus luteum dies and progesterone production stops. When progesterone levels drop, the uterus lining stops thickening and is consequently shed during menstruation.
If the egg is fertilized, the corpus luteum will begin receiving HCG from the embryo. HCG tells the corpus luteum to keep producing progesterone. The corpus luteum lasts for about ten weeks after ovulation. After ten weeks the placenta takes over progesterone production through the end of pregnancy.
What is corpus luteum deficiency?
Corpus luteum deficiency, also known as corpus luteum defect, means that the corpus luteum does not produce enough progesterone to allow a pregnancy to develop. Without sufficient progesterone levels, the lining of the uterus will begin to shed. If a woman is pregnant and has low progesterone levels this may result in miscarriage.
[The above information, thanks to: http://www.justmommies.com/articles/corpus-luteum.shtml%5D
Needless to say, Baby Sock is not going to make it unless I have the appropriate amount of progesterone levels in my body. Thankfully, there is a hopeful resolution to this issue. Luckily the doctor found this soon enough and I am going to take the proper steps to hopefully save this little one. I know it’s God’s will to decide what is right and what will happen. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Medicine will either help me or not in this situation. My OBGYN put me on progesterone suppositories. Yes, they go right up there like a tampon (sorry, TMI). Ask me what I will do to keep this baby? ANYTHING. I’m a strong woman and I will stay strong through this like I did everything else I’ve been dealt. If for some reason this doesn’t continue, I will pick myself up, dust myself off and try again. I will NOT be defeated and I will NOT stop until we have a beautiful baby in our arms.
My wonderful lady doctor sent me over to the lab a floor below to get gobs of blood work done. When I say gobs, I mean it. 10 vials later, I was blacked out, sweating profusely, white as a ghost, almost crapped my pants and nearly vomited everywhere. I have no problem giving blood, my veins LOVE to spit it out; however, my body, on the other hand, hates it. If you take any more than 6 vials, it’s all over for me. Therefore, that left me fatigued, tired and groggy. I’m freezing and still shaking from this roller-coaster day.
Anyway, to get to the positive stuff, when I saw BS on the ultrasound, you can only imagine the water works that went on. I had Bobby by my side, getting just as emotional but no tears were streaming down his face like mine. But as the news came, the tears disappeared and the praying and hopefulness set in. Mommy’s maternal instincts set in? Maybe. “I’ve gotta stay strong”, I kept telling myself. Anyway, before the daunting news, the video is what we saw and heard above.
Here are our very first photos of Baby Sock
Please keep us in your prayers. We need all the hope and positivity as we can get.
A Pair of Socks 
You are just glowing in this picture! The title of the post is so true and so real. I believe everything does happen for a reason, although at the the we may not know or like the reason behind the story.
I am keeping your beautiful soul in my prayers and sending many positive vibes your way. Many women are hesitant to share their stories or their news so early on in fear of what may happen. I admire your honesty and willingness to share your story with all of us. And I bet someone out there reading your story will appreciate you sharing it. For you never know, they may have experienced the same thing but didn’t have the courage to share. I love this blog you’ve started! It’s inspiring me to keep track of this pregnancy, although I haven’t started from the beginning & we are 16 weeks in. I haven’t touched my blog in a long time. The last few posts were about my Kira and I just can’t bring myself to begin typing there again. XOXO
Amanda, I cannot thank you enough for your kind words and encouragement as well as so many others lately. You are so sweet girl. It’s never too late to pick up a new blog and start this pregnancy off where you are at. I’d love to read it. I always love checkin’ out your IG. I know that you are a strong woman, and I admire you. SO much. Especially since you’ve had to go through the heartache of losing your best friend, sister. I am so sorry that you are reminded by that so very often. She is always watching over you. xoxo
I loved this post – you are so honest about everything. I will be sending positive thoughts and prayers out to you guys 🙂 I am just two weeks behind you! After ttc for two years, I totally get it seeming “unreal.” God bless you and your family!!!
Thanks Jenny. 🙂 Congrats on getting pregnant after trying for so long. Good luck throughout the pregnancy and feel free to ask anything along the way. I love sharing stories between people who are not too far behind or ahead of me. 😉 God bless you as well.