A Second Attempt at OIT:

So Josie’s first day of OIT was a big, fat, fail…

And I’m not going to lie…it was completely all my fault. Why? Because I’m me. Me as in the anxious, scared, get-these-flash-backs-of-her-dying-in-my-arms PTSD moments. My anxiety was so heightened at her appointment, I almost felt like I was going to die. I took a glance at my FitBit to see my heart rate and it was above 120. That was at resting. Lord. I look back now and am so angry at myself for ruining this for her. This time it’s going to be so much different…

Well, with that being said, our sweet girl is starting her first day of OIT on May 9th! (If we can get this illness out of our house!) This time we’re doing things a little differently. ..

Daddy is going to take her. As most know he’s much more relaxed and she (I think) is more drawn to him. I booked a hotel the day before and the day after only 0.2 miles away for if they need me or I want to come there. I could walk there if I wanted to.

But for me to physically be there? No way! I am no good for her. My husband has told me, the allergist knows and that entire office probably thinks I’m nuts (no pun intended). But that’s okay. I am. I’ll admit it. I am terrified of feeding my child small lethal doses of a food that could potentially kill her. But on the upside there are thousands of positive stories and the success rates are phenomenal. The decision is a no brainer. We’ll do anything for Josie.

Of course with any doctors appointment that I cannot attend, I will probably pace the hotel room with my 19-month-old in hopes to not hear my phone ring. The first appointment can take anywhere between 4-8+ hours. Not a trip that I want to be involved in because I cannot imagine being calm enough for her.

We’ve made some pretty huge steps since that last attempt. Josie now takes Zyrtec liquid in a medicine cup. WHICH IS HUGE! She wouldn’t touch any medicine, at all, what-so-ever (without throwing it up) and because I’m sure her PTSD from past reactions/hospital visits/ICU, etc. But what she absolutely WON’T take is anything in a syringe. KEEP ANY AND ALL AWAY FROM HER. It terrifies her! Like to the point of freak out, throw yourself on the floor, type of freak out. So when we attempt again this time, they will NEED to put their syringe (they used on her last time), in a medicine cup before even entering the room and I’m willing to bet she’ll down it like a champ.

She seems to think she will go to the doctor once and walk out of there eating ice cream. Children have no sense of time. Since our last visit we talk about that doctor a lot. In fact, we talk him UP a lot. We finally convinced her that she can eat what baby sister does if she will go and see this doctor.

Josie: “Mama, can I go see Dr. S so I can have him give me medicine and then I can go eat ice cream with you and daddy and baby sister, please mama, please?” How precious is that? And bless her heart! It’s literally the small things in life we take for granted. She has no clue on the amount time this will take to be “desensitized” enough for her to enjoy that ice cream cone one day. Thank goodness we’re doing egg and milk at the same time. If that goes well, we’ll move to tree nuts and then peanuts (together or separate, we don’t know yet). Then try to tackle the whole chicken thing…

This post is short and sweet. Mainly a reach out to those friends and family who have prayed for Josie before, to please, please, please keep us (Josie) in your positive thoughts and prayers. Please pray that this works for her. I really do have good faith in this allergist and I am confident he will change our lives forever. And if that being the case, I will never know how to repay him for that. It will be priceless!

Read past experience here:

Josie’s Journey into OIT-Day 1, The Consultation

Reflection

Flashback: The Day Josie Became My Allergic Child

Food Allergies Suck!

Food Allergies

This is Our Lifestyle

 

Our Life: The Moments I Don’t Want to Forget (so far)

I’m sure there are plenty of duplicates in here, but these are moments I don’t want to forget. Times with friends…many, different friends.

A time when a friend with a heart of gold kept Josie overnight while I spent two weeks in the hospital with Juliette.

A time with another great friend of mine when we visited We Rock the Spectrum for the first time, had the place basically to ourselves and loved watching them love it. That place was great!

First snowfall in Houston (that we’ve witnessed). Josie in her little pretty ballet outfit and dance moves.

A playdate with a new friend in the park…gosh I love you guys to death now.

Christmas dress up to get ready for Santa’s Wonderland at College Station.

Adventures to the Thicket park.

Lots and lots and lots of reading of our books…our MASSIVE collection of Usborne books. The girls cannot get enough.

A trip to the zoo around Halloween (before Juliette was hospitalized).

Walks around the community.

Late night dinner dates with my wonderful husband.

Cooking pancakes together with Josie.

Spending a day at The Children’s Museum of The Woodlands.

Playing dress up and playing in the playroom.

And doing crafts…

All moments I never want to forget. So this blog with all the photos is a constant reminder of just how quickly time can pass us by. These photos were uploaded in December 2017. I never had a chance to write and post them. Now here they are, a few months into the new year.

Lets pray this year brings us happiness, blessings and health. God has been so good to us and I hope he continues to be so gracious.

Julo – AKA: Juliette

Every new milestone, I just can’t grasp. I feel like you should or will be little forever. I’m not used to having this “normal” baby/infant/toddler grow and change without putting in so much effort. I’m not used to a baby just eating anything and everything I give her. I’m not used to her pushing her bottles away and wanting a cup. I’m not used to you going to sleep without a bottle…and never, ever being rocked to sleep.

Juliette, you’re 15 months-old-now and you’ve been pushing away your bottles since before you were in the hospital with pneumonia (since before you were 12-months-old). You’ve been ready. I haven’t. And you’ve never required us to rock you to sleep. You’ve been a self-soother since birth. How?

Since I stopped breastfeeding with you at 3-months-old due to horrible postpartum depression, I had to come to terms with the guilt of formula. But you are thriving! THRIVING! You eat, eat, eat and I love it. I love how I can grab anything and everything at the grocery store and I don’t have to worry about you breaking out into hives.

Josie was on toddler formula with a bottle until much after 2-years-old. She was so hard. She couldn’t eat anything (allergic and hated food, period), she didn’t eat anything (so so so so picky!) and it’s always been a struggle with her to this day. Most of my day with her is spent saying “take a bite!” “eat your food!” “hurry up!” It was a much different and harder world with her. She was this incredibly smart and happy (always happy) baby, but she was difficult when it came to her the nutrition she needs.

You make having a baby seem easy. I thank God for that. I feared another allergy child. I know we aren’t in the “clear” yet. But the majority of allergens, you’ve managed to prove to me that you are not allergic.

I don’t want to forget so much about you, sweet Julo!

I love how you curl up into our necks and hug us tight. You’re very affectionate and I love that. I love how you reach up and point to me and whine like you want me to hold you.

When I say milk, you know what it is.

When I say water, you frankly search for it and if it’s not in sight you do this “ugh ugh ugh!” until someone grabs it for you.

When I put you to bed a month ago (and nap earlier in the day) and you just laid down without a fuss and no bottle that time, (as I tried and tried to get you to take but your little hands always push it away and you shake your head no-it’s adorable), I quietly walked out your door while you shoved your face into your blankets (which you LOVE) and stood outside your door. A small part of me was sad. Oh my baby!

You are growing up.

You’re not a “baby” anymore…

You’re a toddler that just wants to walk but your sister won’t allow it.

You’ve taken a few steps but your sister has so much jealously it’s hard to compete.

The amount of sass your sister has is almost exhausting.

Night time rocking was my favorite things to do with your sister. She had to be rocked to sleep, with a full 12 ounce bottle, every single night until she fell fast asleep in my arms and I’d quietly walk her over to the crib, (which is now your crib). I love to watch her sleep and play with her blankets like you now do. I loved to watch her peacefully and know she was safe in our arms and drift away to sleep.

You’re so different.

You, just like Josie, have always been a great sleeper (12 hours+). You have never woken up to be fed or changed in the middle of the night like most babies. Josie would wake up in the middle of the night and poop. You have never, ever done that. I thought Josie was easy. But you make this look so much easier. If it wasn’t so hard handling you two while you’re both together, I’d probably be pregnant or trying to get pregnant again with another.

Josie never gave love and affection as a baby. She never cuddled her head up into my neck or wrapped her legs tight around my waist…

You do. This is something special to me. Especially when you do it and say “awww”.

I can’t imagine having anymore babies right now because most days are crazy and exhausting.  But these are the best of days. My favorite days with Josie (at this age) and my favorite days with you. It is just so much fun watching you grow and change.

It’s been hard to get you walking, with your sister always right there knocking you down, playing and jumping, laughing and intervening. We try to explain that we’re trying to get you to walk but she just doesn’t get it. She will continue to push you down and play. And you both laugh and I stand there thinking “Juliette is never going to walk”.

You started pulling up on furniture right after the hospital. I was worried you’d be delayed. It’s so hard not to compare you both but both of you are completely normal but are doing each different thing earlier or later then the other and at your own time. You crawled much earlier but are going to walk much later. I’ve always been one to let you girls do each milestone on your own. Most pediatricians would tell me to work with tummy time, work with this, work with that, etc. That just wasn’t me. It wasn’t enjoyable to watch your baby like a fish out of water screaming bloody murder while you torture them on their bellies. You’ll do it at your own time. When you’re ready. And you did. And you started crawling (so dang fast!), then pulling up, then standing up from sitting all on your own! In just a day! You’ve managed to stand all on your own! And you know you’re doing it and you are so proud of yourself. You stand for a good 3-5 seconds before you plop back down. I know, sweet girl, it’s a matter of time before you take those steps and you’re all over this house. The best part…you started standing for the very first time while we were FaceTiming daddy…so he got to see it for the first time with me.

So forgive me for being a little sad about these moments. I miss the newborn baby days.

You and your sister both love each other so much, but fight just like sisters. Most days I’m utterly exhausted from the screaming, fighting, stealing of toys, not sharing, etc. but again, there’s SO much love between you two. When you cry like you’re hurt, Josie is right there feeling it with you. She needs to give you a hug, a kiss and tell you that it’s okay (even though you can’t quite understand yet). And when she’s just a little bit too rough and knocks you down and you bump your head (another loud excruciating scream), she quickly feels bad (you can see it in her actions and her emotions and her eyes) and says “I’m sorry. I’m sorry baby sister.” She’s a sweetheart and such a handful. There is just so much love in this house.

I dreamed of you when Josie was your age. Because I wanted you two to have each other to play with. I wanted you two to have that bond only sisters can have.

Juliette, you’re growing too fast. My heart cannot handle all these changes lately. Please just cuddle up into my arms just a little while longer. I will cherish that, but once you even grow out of that, my heart will hurt. But I know you will also replace it with something much more abundant and loving, I know it. I’m so excited to see you grow and change. It’s so much fun!

I love you sweet, sweet, sweet Julo. You are Gods great blessing to our family and we are thankful and grateful for your strong willed, affectionate and sassy personality. You are our Rainbow Baby, after all.