OIT: Day 1

May 9, 2019 Texan Allergy Arlington office:

My shining star did AMAZING! I am so proud of her! With grace and peace and prayers, we made it through this VERY long day. I made it through. Holy cow! How grateful we are for Bobby’s patience and calm. For he is the glue that holds us all together. The voice to keep us calm. The still we need when minds are racing. He so graciously took her to the appointment himself, while I drove around Austin with Juliette.

We found a Target. A new Target. A nice Target. And I filled the cart full of fun goodies for Josie. Something to reward her with for completing an entire day, 8 hours, in an allergy office literally eating the very thing that almost killed her two years ago. My girl has strength, ya’ll. She is mine, no doubt! She has sass, wonder and is sweeter than pie. She is full of love and happiness and kind-hearted in every way. So well mannered and polite. So loving and brave. She is Josie. And I am so proud. This may be a small start but it’s a journey that will be big! We are here. We started. We finished the day. We did it! WE DID IT! We ARE doing it. I cannot believe it. I hear Freedom…

…anything to give our sweet Josie a normal life when she gets older…anything.

Trips to Austin every week is worth it. It may be an all day event and 4 hours in the car each way but there’s no price tag on her freedom. There isn’t. We’d travel thousands of miles if we had to. Car, airplane, train…whatever. Anything for her.

At the end of the day we reached 5 doses. A total of 2.5ml of egg and 2.5ml of milk. Freaking phenomenal! She complained of stomach pain so we stopped and went home with that dose (to give for a week). It was incredible to walk out of there with such results. It was mind blowing. It was a high of happiness knowing that she is doing this. She is a trooper. My girl! Way to go, Josie!

That morning when we left the hotel, I was clouded. Scared. Anxious. Mind racing in a million different ways. Did I have this? Did I have that? The hotel was walking distance if needed. Where was the closest hospital? Was 4 Epi-pens enough if we needed to? Truthfully? After they got check in at the appointment and I walked out of that office leaving them, I left it to God. This was His to handle. I cleared my mind and trusted in Him to guide her through. To put His hand on her shoulder and give her strength to do this. He is ever so amazing. Oh dear God, thank you for this ever-so-kind, full-of-life, free-spirited child. She is truly a gift and we thank You for her. She is absolutely precious in every way.

“The strength of a mother is second to none. Even when she is in times of stress, when she is fighting her own demons, when she is beyond exhausted both mentally and physically nothing will stop her from finding strength she needs to do for her children what she needs to get done.”

When my children remember their childhood, I want only for them to remember that their Mother gave it her all. She worried too much, she failed at times and she did not always get it right…but she tried her hardest to teach them about kindness, love, compassion and honesty. Even if she had to learn it from her own mistakes she loved them enough to keep going, even when things seemed hopeless, even when life knocked her down. I want them to remember me as the Woman who always got back up.

Reflection

My daughter has a “disease”…FOOD ALLERGIES. But that doesn’t make her disabled. That doesn’t mean that we can’t be around people or have people visit us. It doesn’t mean we don’t want to be invited! It doesn’t mean that people have to be scared to come over to our home and play with her. Or have people visit with food. This just means we (her parents) need to be careful. This just means that me, her mother, will be a little more watchful of her when we go places and pay less attention to conversation (my apologies-I may look like I have ADD). It means I’ll have to learn to multi-task. It doesn’t mean that her life is restricted from living it normally like all others without food allergies do. We are learning to LIVE WITH IT! It just means her mom will be anxious, so get used to it. This is the new me…the permanent me. I’m not going to change. It doesn’t mean that I’m not a good friend or fun to hang out with. It just means my senses will be heightened and you may not be used to that. I may be listening to you but staring at my child. It just means that I love my child more then anything in this world and she is NUMBER ONE in everything I decide to do and everywhere I decide to go. Josie is an amazing, fun, loving, sociable, full-of-life little girl. And if you know her, YOU KNOW THAT! And she plays well with EVERYONE, of all ages. She loves to laugh and sing. Dance and dress up. She’s a normal little girl, who loves to play with her friends. Please don’t exclude her because of her food allergies. Trust me when I say that I am always prepared and ready to jump into action if needed. You cannot possibly imagine how my mind spins 24/7 with worry. But more than ever before, it’s now the time to let go just a little bit and it’s time for me to realize that THIS is our life. It is not going to change. THIS is how it will be. THIS is how we are going to have to make it work. I have NO control over curing her. But what I can do is give her the most normal life possible without making her feel left out. I won’t make her feel left out anymore. I won’t keep her home because of MY worry. She’s getting older and starting to realize it. She senses my anxiety, stress and worry. And I can’t help but say shame on me for allowing her to see that. Now I realize that for her sake, I need to step away and find a way to worry without showing her. She’s a smart little girl! So day by day I will give her a little bit more independence…but I’ll never, ever stop hovering. That’s the mother I will always be for Josie. I was meant to be her mom.

SaveSave