4 Months Old

She is perfect. Seriously absolutely perfect. I can’t say it enough how blessed we are to have such a great baby girl.

As I say every month and will continue to say with each and every new milestone: Josie is growing so fast. Rolling over from her back to her side and on to her to her belly. Although she can’t quite figure out how to rollover from her belly back to her back yet. She will usually cry for me to rescue her. Poor thing.

She’s definitely talking a whole lot more. I can only imagine how much of a talker she will be when she starts saying words and short sentences. I am so excited.

She is trying to let out that first giggle, but is having a hard time. I can see her try and try but just hasn’t gotten there yet.

She just discovered how to blow raspberries. While mom ran inside Kroger to get a few things for dinner, her and I were waiting in the car when she just started blowing them. At first I thought she crapped her pants, but when I looked in the backseat she was blowing raspberries. She was so proud of herself. It was adorable.

My mom came in town for a couple of weeks to help out with Josie. It was so nice having her here. I got to sleep in and catch up on my daily chores. I even got out to get a pedicure and a manicure with her. It was much needed. She even watched Josie on a Saturday night so Bobby and I could go out together for a date night celebrating my 30th birthday.

We bought a baby pool and a couple of super adorable bathing suits in hopes to get her out for a swim. However, the mosquitoes in our area are so horrible it is nearly impossible, no matter what time of the day it is, to go outside and enjoy it. It’s so unfortunate and such a disappointment. I feel like a prisoner most days, stuck in this house. It would be nice to find a nice park in the area to at least take her to in her stroller for a walk. Bobby was doing yardwork last weekend and a few days afterwards discovered poison ivy all over his ankles and feet. He’s a pretty strong person when it comes to any of that kind of stuff but this is really throwing him for a loop. He’s really struggling with how much it itches. It looks awful.

A few milestones this month:

I gave Josie rice cereal for the first time. Her pediatrician at her four-month checkup said that she has great head control and can start slowly eating solids. She actually really liked it. It was so cute how she’d sip on the spoon and slurp.

A few nights ago we decided to completely unswaddle her. And to my surprise she slept great. After a week or so of sleep regression, I feel like she’s finally back into her normal routine. Although, I did read that weeks 19 and 20 are a huge change for them and they will be hitting a growth spurt. We will see. So since we’ve unswaddled her, she is rolling onto her belly. Which makes a long night for mommy. I can tell you that I sleep with one eye open, in fear that she may rollover and not be able to breathe, or move her head to the side, or be able to roll back over. There was one night where she was actually on her belly and her arms were through the rails of the crib. Good thing Bobby got up to go to the bathroom and saw her. I didn’t hear a thing, unfortunately. Sometimes after working Friday, Saturday and Sunday, when I sleep that Sunday night, I sleep so deep from exhaustion that I barely ever hear her. I’m so lucky for him.

I’ve officially been able to fit back into my clothes. Which is a relief, because I really hate shopping and I was not looking forward to spending money on new clothes. I have noticed that my hair is falling out. Much more than it has ever in my life. In chunks, too. It’s kind of disgusting. I lose a lot in the shower and finding my hair everywhere.

At Josie’s four month appointment, she had her wellness check up and her four-month shots. Surprisingly, she didn’t spike a fever like last time. Although, they did pretreat her with Tylenol. I refused to take her to her next dose of shots. It’s daddy’s turn. I just can’t bear to watch it. Within the last few days she has been feverish with no other symptoms. But I have noticed she’s been eating a little bit less prior to those two days of fevers. At the doctors, they tried to tell me to treat her cradle cap with Selsun blue. I noticed after using it once or twice, her hair started thinning. I don’t like that. She has beautiful hair and I don’t want her to lose it. So this stingy little rash will just have to stay until it decides to resolve on its own. Also, the little baby acne she had all over her body was not baby acne. It was an infection that was easily treated with a little bit of Bacitracin ointment. Ever since I treated it that day, it has not came back. Thank goodness. She still has weeping in the backs of her knees and the backs of her elbows. It is so random and one day her skin will look and feel so great and then the next day it’s all red and irritated again. I stopped eating dairy because I thought it would help, and it did help clear up her skin a little bit. But not all the way. She has very sensitive skin. I remember growing up and having very sensitive skin and still do have sensitive skin. And her daddy has sensitive skin as well.

The doctor told me that Josie was small for her age. Petite. But I am petite. And daddy is on the smaller side as well. So I don’t think there is any concern needed.

We officially got a queen size bed in our guest bedroom now. So whoever comes to stay with us can have their own private room now.

Bobby and I have a concert at the end of this month. Not quite sure who’s going to watch Josie yet. I’m not looking forward to it because I don’t want to leave her with anybody except my mom. But my mom won’t be able to come here again for a while.

Also, Bobby should head back to New Orleans soon for another oil rig project. I’m not looking forward to him leaving, but we can definitely use the extra money.

I know a lot of people had asked me about baby number two. I guess all I can say is that I would like to get myself in a healthier state than I am right now before it happens. But we also aren’t preventing it from happening either. And it’s not like we are actively doing it either. Because, like I mentioned before, I’m not healed all the way. But I will continue this blog if it does happen. Just like I did with Josie. Although, it is so much harder to find the time to blog since becoming a mommy. I will try my best.

UPDATE WITH ME:

Before I got pregnant, I was at my all-time lowest weight. I was very lean and had more muscle than fat. I was 106 pounds. I worked very hard to get in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant. However, it was also very hard for me to gain weight because of my then recent diagnosis with celiac disease. By the time I got home from Michigan, (after I found out I was pregnant), I weighed 110 pounds. Probably from not working out for 2 1/2 weeks. The day of Josie’s birth I weighed 155 pounds but was mostly all belly. Today I am happy to say that I am 116 pounds and comfortably fit into all my clothes again.

I would like to stay the weight that I am right now and not lose anymore. I do, however, want to get fit again and have more energy that is brought on by consistently working out. This is where I hope Focus T25 will help out. When I was in college, I did Insanity every morning before clinicals. And the days that I just had class, I’d go to the gym and run. But I haven’t been to the gym or worked out in over a year. And right now, I am completely and utterly drained and exhausted 24/7. Breast-feeding takes a lot out of me. On top of being a house wife, taking care of the daily chores, working as a Registered Nurse 14 hours a day 3 days a week (every Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and being a mom to the most wonderful little girl. I barely sleep. I have constant worry about her. She is recently rolling and moving like crazy in her crib. Which makes me worry. I worry about her on her tummy. I worry about her breathing. I worry about her not being able to move so she CAN breathe. I’m worried about me not hearing her cry for help when her little arm gets stuck and she needs rescuing. I worry about SIDS. I worry about silly things like intruders or a fire starting. What would my plan be? I worry. Way. Too. Much. My anxiety is coming back more and more. I will be honest and say that my anxiety is much worse than it was prior to getting pregnant. When I was pregnant it went away. Completely. Oddly enough, it was like I could breathe again. I had zero racing thoughts. I felt great! I slept great! (Until the third trimester, obviously).

Having celiac disease and trying to give all of the nutrition to my baby that my baby deserves, is very difficult. Now that she has eczema and I’m forced to go dairy free, it leaves me with pretty much little to nothing to eat. I lived off yogurt and protein shakes. Now, I’m struggling to find something nutrient dense enough for breakfast, lunch and dinner for myself. But I also have to increase my caloric intake to support her needs as well. And I’m finding that extremely difficult unless I’m filling myself up with empty calories and junk food. Especially when I’m working three days straight and don’t have the time to cook something healthy. So with SO much thought, so many tears and SO much sadness on the thought of quitting-for the sake of her health and mine, I have decided to stop breast-feeding. (It’s okay. Really. Pick your jaw up off the floor). I’m going to be okay. Josie is going to be okay. I know it seems so strange coming from me. Someone from whom my entire pregnancy feared that breast-feeding wouldn’t “work out” or I’d run into something terribly wrong. Nothing was more important to me than giving my baby the best, natural food possible-my breast milk. However, I promise you that if I didn’t think the benefits of quitting outweighed the consequences, I wouldn’t stop. I promise you, I am struggling. I don’t sleep. I’m constantly tired, fatigued and my body is not healing. When I have a simple scrape, I can’t heal. I’m still not 100% down there either. Sex is not enjoyable. And that’s hard coming from someone as sexual as I am (sorry, TMI). My hemorrhoids are worse than they’ve ever been in my life (sorry, more TMI) and I put it to my body not having what it needs to heal. My anxiety is through the roof. I have bouts of the shakes several times a day. It gets so bad I sweat profusely and feel as though my heart is going to jump out of my chest. I get blurry eyed and have to gorge on the closest form of sugar in order to relieve myself from what feels like a possible heart attack. After countless struggles and my headstrong personality to not want to quit, Bobby finally told me “If we are going to have another baby, you must get yourself healthy first. It’s not fair for you or for the future baby if you’re not. And breast-feeding is just not working out anymore.” I’ve felt like I should have stopped a long time ago. But I really needed him to tell me that it was okay. We’ve got a freezer full of milk. Enough to last her until she is at least 9 months if I were to stop cold turkey today. But I’m not stopping cold turkey. You’ve got to be nuts to do that. I have never had a problem producing milk. In fact, I produce way too much of it. And since I have SO much of it, it will probably take much longer for me to wean myself off completely. Who knows, maybe I can get myself down to only doing it once or twice a day (pumping). It’s hard when I work 3 days straight (Friday, Saturday and Sunday). I’m not home to feed her during the day at all and by the time I do get home, she’s getting her nightly feeding from the bottle. So 3 days without Mommy’s breast, we’ve sort of transitioned to EBP anyway. But my girl is a trooper. I put her on my breast for the first time in over a month today and she ate with no problems at all. I’m hoping this new transition of stopping will be what is best for me, Josie and my husband. Above all, a healthy mom is what Josie really needs and right now. I need to get back on track.

Josie is 4 months old today. I cannot believe it. Time is flying. Here are some recent photos of her: